Ciao's jokes.... have a laugh

[Ciao]

Hello everyone

hoping this thread keep you smiling when things don’t go too well on trading.... have a laugh and feel better

please feel free to post yours as well…

take a look and enjoy it :D :D

[Ciao]

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered
:D

[Ciao]

One day, God and the devil decided to play 18 holes of golf. They toss a coin, and the devil tees off with a nice drive.

God tees off with an awful shot into the ruff. A squirrel running along grabs the ball in his mouth and scampers away. As the squirrel is scampering, an eagle comes out of the sky and snatches the squirrel, and flies high into the sky when it is hit by a bolt of lightning, frying it instantly. The golf ball falls to the ground and into the 1st hole.

The devil looks at God and says "Are you going to play golf, or f*** around all day?"

:D:D

[Ciao]

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."


we love our "W" really.... ;):D:D

[Ciao]

FIELD: The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges.

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

On a milkman's cart: YOU MAY WHIP OUR CREAM, BUT YOU CAN'T BEAT IT


that's all ... for now ;):D:D

[Ciao]

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer (or witness others who have to deal with them), this one is for you.

In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers . Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk, he slapped his ticket down on the counter
and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir, I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate
WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

[Ciao]

Who Killed Abraham Lincoln?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!!

:D

[Ciao]

A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.

'Care to go upstairs and have a *****?' the husband asks.

`Sshhh ' said the bride. `All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper-thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, "Have you left the washing machine door open" instead?'

So the following night, the husband asks, `I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open did you?'

'No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and went to sleep.

When she woke up, however, she was feeling a little randy herself and she nudged her husband and said, `I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?'

'No thanks,' said the husband, 'it was only a small load and I've done it by hand.'
:D:D

[Ciao]

Dear Son,

I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your Pa read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, cos the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they would not have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen them since.

It rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket for you.

Uncle Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We got really worried cos it took him two hours to get me and your Pa out.

The family is fine. Your father, he has a lovely job. He has about 500 men under him. He is cutting grass down at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet whether it's a girl or a boy so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

Love, Mom


that's all folks...;):D
now to serious business "trading"... my day has started....

[BadThad]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....good jokes friend!